bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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