Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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