I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i wish my penis had a tongue
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
