Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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