You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
