My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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