remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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