I puked a lego.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
