i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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