Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
