i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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