I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
