Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
