I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize