I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize