WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
