Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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