he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
