sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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