he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
