I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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