There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
