i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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