Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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