I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
