he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
