Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
