Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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