You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
