Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
