To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
