True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We need to rekindle our bromance
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
