is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
