he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
