I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
