if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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