Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
