If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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