just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
