Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
