I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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