His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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