If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
