You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
