Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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