absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Welp...herpes.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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