I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
