Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
