Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
