so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
