dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
whose parrot is this?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
