you guys were way drunker than both of me
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize