fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
