I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
