Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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