they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize