He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize