Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
