Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
