i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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