I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
