Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
