We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
