My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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