You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
