Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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