if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think I sprained my soul last night
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
